


midnight thoughts

by Local_Mess



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22697722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Local_Mess/pseuds/Local_Mess
Summary: just your fav auth leftist letting his thoughts run.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	midnight thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> this one's been lying around for a while...
> 
> wrote it while listening to sovietwave, so if you want the full experience, here's a good mix:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLPtYRW8Bcs
> 
> not sure if this fits into canon but whatevs.

_He focused his eyes on the window, appreciating the moonlight flooding the fields in blacks, whites, and grays, spotting the occasional sliver of silver. It was a fullmoon. He put his earbuds in. An old song came on, which he had heard last in- yes, it must have been decades already. Time flies too quickly. So much has changed since those days. He sat down by the windowsill, layed his head in his arms crossed on the cold stone, staring out towards the night. The raindrops began to fall quicker. He watched them race each other to the bottom, and his mind began to drift._

_How did he get here? What did he do wrong? It felt like everything. Like everything was wrong. He had doubts. Never before had he had real doubts, but now they just wouldn't leave. When he was young he had had big dreams. He wished for the freedom of his fellow workers, for happiness and equality for all. And the union and with it the days of glory and freedom came. They had big plans, a liberated world, the people realizing the right path. A communist space empire. A society where every man would be free, free to do as he pleased, free to work where and how he wants, or not at all, free to go where he chooses, on this planet and others. That's what he was promised. And he believed and he expected. He trusted the words he read and listened to. He was a strong believer, the strongest. And where did it bring him? Everything was lost._

_What sense did it make to go on now?_

_His heart felt heavier than ever before. He realized now it was his fault. He had been the one who was too stubborn. He had thought of himself as the greatest. Surely he couldn't make any errors? But there they were. If he was wrong about this - what else did he fail to understand? He felt incomplete, broken, strange. He always had thought of himself as the one to protect and liberate the weak, yet he couldn't even protect his one friend. The allegiance of the extremists, the fight against the centrist - maybe Ancom was right. Maybe it really just didn't matter._

_How could he have been so arrogant? So caught up in his own reality. And why couldn't he just have been there a bit earlier?! Maybe then Ancom would still be here! Maybe then he wouldn't have just left him behind, this stupid -_  
_No. It was his fault. He deserved to be left behind, to be forgotten, to be alone. At least the version of him that stood there back then._

_And it made no sense to throw everything away now! But it also just wasn't the same anymore. With the anarchist, it felt like a part of him had left. A part he never noticed before, but couldn't be complete without. As much as he ridiculed the kid, as much as he looked down on hi- quem, as much as they fought about nothing, Ancom had still always been there for him. He just never noticed. Ancom helped him stay away from the corruption power can bring, stay true to the people and the cause. And he never knew._

_No, there was no sense in losing hope, but he also couldn't go on. There was no sense in blaming himself or looking back at the past, he had to move forward. He would bring Ancom back, no matter what. And if he couldn't convince quem, he would just stay with quem._


End file.
